Rest

I want to stay up all night.

I want to write until my fingers bleed,

Painting with my blood,

And every part of me.

I want to know what it feels like to work hard,

Keep moving through and past the dark.

I want to go until my body breaks,

Destroy myself for something great.

Sleeping early is a sign of weakness.

I’m not good enough

If I don’t work myself sick,

But there’s still a me-sized dent in my bed,

Taunting me as my resolves reach their end. 

I hate myself.

I don’t want to be anyone else,

But I wish I could escape me,

Stop being this lazy.

I used to say anything was possible,

But there’s a lot I can’t do, 

Always thought I was motivated.

I guess that’s not true.

I’m a loser and I didn’t even know it.

I look in the mirror and hate that me,

But is she really who You see?

You see Your creation,

Tired and broken

But healed by salvation,

Worthy by Your hand,

Though on her own she can’t stand,

A girl doing what she can do,

A girl ready to live for You.

She fails again every day,

But You pick her up,

Just the same.

Tired, weary, and put to the test,

It’s only in You

That she can find rest.

Sections: Balance, Christianity, Emotion Rants, Free Verse, Hope, Lonely, Peace, Poetry