Fantasy Vs. Reality

Don't you love getting lost in a good book? Isn't it fun to text back and forth with your digital friends? Do you enjoy putting headphones on and letting yourself be transported to a different world through music? Maybe you're online playing video games or watching a video of your favorite celebrity. Besides being enjoyable, these activities all have something in common. Digital friends, celebrities, books, games, and music all take us out of the ordinary reality that’s right in front of us. They do this either by connecting us to something or someone miles and miles away, or by opening the door to an entirely fictional world. It’s undeniably fun to get lost in these fantasies, but can it go too far? At one point does a temporary escape from reality become a disconnection from the real world?

In the twenty-first century, it isn’t uncommon for someone to have friends that they’ve never personally met. Thanks to social media and online gaming, individuals who have never met can communicate with each other and form friendships. There are many benefits to this. Online friendships are often easier to start than in-person ones, as many people tend to be more outgoing online than they are in person. They’re more likely to reach out, and once they do, a bond can often grow faster than it would in person, as it’s easier to discuss serious topics and personal issues over text. An article posted on Psychology Today states that, "Another benefit of online friends is the freedom we feel to share information with those that we are unlikely to ever meet in person as we don’t fear later shame or that feeling of ‘retroactive embarrassment’ . . . We are unlikely to be seeing this person on a frequent basis, so we won’t be reminded of our vulnerability and personal revelations. Our ‘confessions’ are limited to a containable space and shared with people we actually never have to engage with again, if we choose not to," (Degges-White). While this is a true benefit, the flip side is that you don’t need to be committed to an online friendship. It’s easy to lose friends made online, as they can easily block you or switch accounts, or disappear for months with no explanation. A connection may be built through self-disclosure online, but that doesn’t mean that the other party feels that connection as keenly, or that the connection will last. Of course, this can also be the case with real life friendships, but it’s a lot harder to leave a friendship that’s been built up over a long period of time, and it’s difficult to avoid someone who you could easily run into at the grocery store.

Even if an online friendship is felt genuinely on both sides, that doesn’t necessarily mean it would work out in real life. Quoting the same article as above, "The three most common ‘motivating factors’ for friendship development include shared interests, shared activities, or proximity," (Degges-White). When building friendships online, the focus is mainly on this first factor: shared interests. However, a person’s life isn’t usually encompassed in just one interest, and they might even grow out of this thing they enjoy which originally sparked conversation. Some online friendships can withstand this change as they grow and develop, however, there are times when the entire connection relies solely on this one interest. In addition, people have complete control of what they share online, and so they can very easily hide some aspect of their personality, an aspect that could potentially end negotiations for a real life friendship. Basically, when you meet someone over the internet, you might not be meeting the full person. Again, this can happen offline as well, but it’s much easier behind a screen.

An article on The Guardian points out: "The expectations that online friends have of one another are also different. I am more understanding of the fact that a virtual friend has a whole life outside our friendship. My online friends can pick up their phone, be there for me and then put their phone (and me) back down afterwards," (Floyer). If these boundaries are understood, digital friendship is a beautiful thing. It’s a way to easily communicate with others about shared interests or everyday struggles, and maybe learn new things about different people or cultures. That said, online friends can be disappointing when too much is expected of them. The same article comes to the conclusion that individuals should have a healthy balance of online and offline friendships.

Following a celebrity online is similar to an online friend in that it's someone far away that you feel a connection to over the internet. The difference, however, is that this connection is one-sided, as most celebrities have no idea you even exist. This can result in a parasocial relationship if someone gets too obsessed with a favorite celebrity, however, appreciating someone's talent or beauty and even feeling as if they're one of your friends isn't unhealthy in itself. Celebrities can have a wonderful impact on their fans, teaching them important lessons and acting as a positive influence, or a comfort during difficult times. It doesn't need to be a two-way friendship, as long as it isn't substituted for that type of interaction. 

Following a celebrity isn't always a good thing, though. Celebrity Worship Syndrome is a condition where someone is so obsessed with a famous person that it affects their daily life in a negative way. This is when the obsession begins to prevent real-life experiences. The condition often brings narcissism with it as well. Celebrity Worship Syndrome is thought to be caused, or at least helped along by, preexisting mental health issues. Instead of turning to celebrities for happiness, people with mental issues should turn to those around them for real help (Maltby, John, et. al.).

Even when it doesn't become a disorder, following celebrities can often cause other problems for young people. Celebrities can be a positive influence, but they can also promote dangerous or unhealthy activities such as smoking, drugs, and extreme diets. Furthermore, while some celebrities are very open about body image and mental health issues, others can be very damaging to the confidence of young people. Studies show that about 80% of teenage girls compare the way they look to celebrities. Of this number, about half of these girls feel bad about how they look in comparison (Mannino). Celebrities present an overly-perfect and highly stylized version of themselves that everyone wants to look like, but few actually do. While following celebrities can be wholesome and fun, it can also do psychological damage to young people if it goes too far or is focused on the wrong things.

Sometimes if it’s a musician someone is obsessed with, the focus isn’t on the celebrity as much as it’s on their music. Like people who are far away, music can connect us to other people’s reality. It can also create an entirely new fantasy world. Many people use music as an escape, as it has been shown to increase positive feelings. It’s scientifically proven to preserve pathways in the brain that make people happy. In fact, music activates your entire brain, preserving numerous important pathways that would otherwise be weakened by lack of use. That said, listening to the wrong music can be damaging, as certain music has been found to increase angry feelings and violent behavior. Music can be counterhelpful if it distracts from important activities that require a high level of concentration, but it can also aid in productivity. Whether music is helpful or harmful to an activity depends on the activity and the listener. Overall, music is beneficial in its place, and actually aids the mind in many ways. Still, the wrong music at the wrong time can do more harm than good to an individual.

Video games actually help the brain in many ways, similar to music. Despite this fact, certain circles still regard video games in a negative light. This is because of the problems that occur when a video game becomes an obsession. Besides taking away from real life, a gaming addiction can cause problems with sleep and mental health, and could cause one to gain unhealthy weight. Like with music, the wrong games can also promote violent behavior. Despite these issues, there are many benefits to gaming. It’s actually wonderful exercise for the brain, and helps with problem-solving skills and planning. In addition, gaming can increase an individual’s hand-eye coordination as well as their reflexes. Online games can also provide the chance to connect with an entire community of gamers, besides simply being a fun way to relieve stress. An article on the subject by Andrew E. Budson concludes, "In short, playing video games can be fun and a social activity when integrated into a healthy lifestyle that includes plenty of sleep, exercise, and good nutrition, rather than letting the game become your life," (“Why is Music”).

Unlike games, books are commonly accepted as beneficial. There is some bias against certain novels, but most reading is considered good. Reading fiction is certainly a worthwhile activity, and the action of taking in words is beneficial to the mind. Still, even reading has its downsides. Some books may contain scenes or ideas that are harmful or inappropriate; it’s never a good idea to insert this into your mind. The main problem, however, comes when reading interferes with the responsibilities and enjoyment of life. One article puts it this way: "Living in a world of dreams populated by fictional characters, readers miss out on the enjoyment to be found in real life and real people," (Dali).

The push and pull of fantasy and reality is capitalized in a certain psychodramatic technique, the magic shop. To start off, psychodrama is defined as, "A method of group psychotherapy in which participants take roles in improvisational dramatizations of emotionally charged situations," (“Psychodrama”). The magic shop in particular is an imaginary storefront where the therapist plays the shopkeeper and customers can purchase certain traits or behaviors instead of actual objects. The shopkeeper guides the transaction, and through the process customers learn what they really need to change in themselves; what qualities they have too much of, and what ones they need more of. The idea is to leave the exercise with a better understanding of who you are, and to apply the imaginary trades and purchases to real life.

Leni M. F. Verhofstadt-Denève divides the magic shop into several steps. First is the warm up, where the therapist playing the shopkeeper describes the shop. After reflecting on the imaginary shop's appearance, the shop opens. Customers enter the shop in search of a certain quality, and they do a skit, or mini-drama, which demonstrates why they need the quality. After the skit, customers return to the shop and “try on” the quality, which leads to another mini-drama with the quality. After that they return to the shop and negotiate what could be given for this trait, or which trait may be a better fit than this one. Once a decision is reached, the imaginary transaction is made and the customers return to the main group to reflect. Once the shop closes, the group as a whole discusses together and shares what they learned or received from the magic shop (“The ‘Magic Shop’ Technique”). This exact format might not be followed by everyone who uses this exercise. Some magic shops may be more relaxed than others, but the general procedure remains the same.

Fantasy is the foundation and driving force of the magic shop. Earl Koile puts it this way: “Fantasy is a prime source of creative and innovative thinking and behavior. Fantasy can break us out of the prisons of conformity, fixed and rigid ways of thinking and being, and can lift us to new ideas and more imaginative alternatives in dealing with “real” problems and in arriving at solutions and resolutions. Fantasy not only allows but also nourishes thoughts and feelings that may be against the rules or represent forbidden territory,” (“The Magic Shop: The Therapist”). Fantasy gives free realm to explore the uncharted, to see our issues in a different light. When we feel stuck on a problem, it often helps to view the issue differently, and this is exactly what fantasy allows us to do.

Even with a very basic understanding of the magic shop technique, it’s obvious that self reflection must take some role. As it turns out, there are six dimensions of self that come into play in several areas of psychology, including the magic shop. The six dimensions are self-image, ideal-self, alter-image, meta-self, ideal-meta-self, and ideal-alter. These represent how you see yourself, who you’d like to be, how you see others, how others see you, how you’d like others to see you, and who you’d like others to be, respectively. An article cited above states four actions of the magic shop that help people to understand the different dimensions: “(1) The activation of self-reflection on the six Self-Dimensions; (2) a growing awareness and integration of interdimensional and intradimensional oppositions, and discovery of alternative interpretations of oneself and one's environment; (3) the recognition and acceptance of existential conditions; (4) a strengthening of self-confidence through self-appreciation and positive evaluation by significant others," (Verhofstadt-Denève). Basically, the magic shop allows participants to see themselves more accurately by targeting specific psychological dimensions. The magic shop encourages self-reflection over who we are in relation to everybody else. It also draws attention to different interpretations of the same people as well as conditions that exist beyond argument. Finally, the exercise strengthens self-confidence through a positive and appreciative environment.

There are several ways in which the magic shop represents a balanced scale. It is a serious exercise, however, humor is often an integral aspect, as the exercise is performed in a lighthearted group setting. "Although the actual implementation of the magic shop may differ considerably among authors, they all proceed on a common basis, notably a remarkable combination of playfulness and seriousness, humor and pain, of dream and reality, which constitutes the distinctive healing power of this psychodramatic technique," (Verhofstadt-Denève). Balance can also be seen throughout the steps of the exercise, particularly in the mini-dramas, which are exaggerated. “The reality of the situation is not as dire as it was in the first drama and not as delightfully harmonious as in the restructured one. Real life is somewhere in between and can be considered as the integration of the two extreme mini-dramas," (Verhofstadt-Denève). A third form of contrast and balance in the magic shop is between differing qualities. “To the extent that someone is a particular kind of personality, he or she is not some other, different personality. To the extent that we have some outstanding, positive personal traits, we will also lack other particular personal traits,” (Barbour). To become one thing, we often need to give up something else, since nobody can be everything at once. The purpose of the magic shop is to evaluate the importance of all of these qualities and decide which are most important for any given individual. In any case, the magic shop is full of games between opposing forces.

While the Magic Shop is just pretend and nothing is actually bought or sold, the problems being talked about are very real, and the qualities given to fix them are indeed needed. The only step left is to learn to use the "purchased" traits. Although this exercise isn't guaranteed to make a difference beyond the time when it's performed, if the lessons learned don't transfer into real life, it isn't a Magic Shop at all, but just a decorated game of pretend. In other words, the Magic Shop is really the bridge between fantasy and reality at its core. The solutions wouldn't be reached without pretending, but they wouldn't be of any use if not taken back to the real world.

To sum it all up, there are many fun activities that transport us out of the world right in front of us and into a different reality. Things like digital friends, celebrities, music, video games, and books can be beneficial to many areas of the mind and of life, but they can be harmful if they become an obsession. How can this be avoided? The answer is shown in the magic shop: fantasy is helpful when used as a means of learning, and when we take the lessons with us back into the real world.

Works Cited:

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Koile, Earl. “The Magic Shop: The Therapist Masquerades as a Shopkeeper.” Voices: Spring 2011, Voices. 2011. Pdf. 16 May 2023.

Maltby, John, et. al. “A Clinical Interpretation of Attitudes and Behaviors Associated With Celebrity Worship.” The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease, PubMed. Feb. 2003. Pdf. 19 May 2023.

Mannino, Brynn. “TODAY/AOL ‘Ideal to Real’ Body Image Survey Results.” Today, Aol. Feb. 2014. Web. 19 May 2023.

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Verhofstadt-Denève, Leni M. F. “The ‘Magic Shop’ Technique in Psychodrama: An Existential-Dialectical View.” The International Journal of Action Methods: Psychodrama, Skill Training, and Role Playing, Volume 53, No. 1, Heldref Publications. 2000. Pdf. 16 May 2023.

Sections: Balance, Educational Essays, Fantasy, For School, Friends, Nonfiction